Saturday, May 8, 2010

Withdrawal from Paxil and Remeron

Ok I am fucking depressed, and confused and boiling over with desperate need to create and be heard and matter and make a difference. And my tolerance of the non-authentic and the bullshit and the screwed-up priorites of our country and all the famewhores--my tolerance is approaching nil....

Friday, May 7, 2010

Getting Off Anti-depressants

I have decided to get off of the anti-depressants and it has now been a few days since I took the last one. Broken down to a 5mg. dosage. I weaned from them so no side affects there. But, I have had the insomnia and felt like shit yesterday. I slept much better last night despite Jett crying and awakening me. He was scared of the dark. I am pretty proud of myself, that I showed him compassion.
I MIght as well keep a log/ diary of sorts on this blog as no one reads it, and only a handful of people have visited it. yikes. I need to know what I am like, esp. with regard to creativity, not using the brain chemicals, the chemicals designed to alter my brain into a manageable piece of a coping mechanism. It never really helped the depression. It did help (originally) when I had anxiety and jealousy with Ben, and then when Evan was about 4 and really getting under my skin. It help regulate sleep. The last one is the most desirable benefit. But the completely bat-shit way that I reacted to the Remeron. Thank god I am aware enough to do get off that shit. Other people likely do not have the finesse I do with such things and they take massive doses of it despite feeling like shit, or they go off of it cold turkey. I admit I did that too and learned the hard way. It is likely also responsible for my knowledge of how to get on to the right dosage. You give up days of your life adjusting to the drug, so that the drug will in turn help you adjust for your life. Supposedly.

LIfe is so arbitrary, capricious, tenuous, I am going to look into becoming a NIhilist

Monday, May 3, 2010

Iggy Pop Click on photos.

Vadge Without Photoshop?

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Go for it Iggy. Show off that 60+ wrinkled ass body. That real human body. WE, all over the world, are conditioned to plastic perfection and you dare to stand up to it, and let it all hang out. Good on you Iggy! Thank you for your real flesh of a true Artist.