Friday, September 18, 2009

My brain is wading though honey

Originally uploaded by dalyswe
I just love unknown artists--everyday artists. Such as the gent who took this photo.

You know the description of walking through honey, how it feels your physical energy is being dragged on, if your body were to walk through honey-- I feel that way in my head. when I get up from these naps and I have usually drank too much wine the night before. And I am currently medicating my depression with wine and marijuana. I take nap every afternoon which is to make up for all the sleep lost when I had the babies. I am always beginner. When i had the babies I wanted to be good at something. I had never been good at anything my whole goddamned life. Now it is overwhelming to me. And my brain is going into total confusion and disorganization, total mental disorganization And I am falling into disassociation with reality. This is my ramble . It is my morning pages thing. Remember that woman who was married to Matin Scorcese suggests you do stream of consciousness free flow writing every morning, where you don't stop with pen to paper. But I think computer is OK And it becomes a meditation and I way to tap into the creativity. I just want to feel ALIVE I think that is what we all want. And I am quickly turning into a neglectful Mother.

I must make this into a story.

Looks similar to the scorpion that bit me in Waco Texas when I was 17, 18 years. old. Met Lucretia's friends and we partied out at a lake. One of Lucretia's friends had a boyfriend named Brad. EArlier I had been bit. We are all lying on a trampoline with blankets over us looking up at the sky and talking. This whole group of kids. And Brad begin ns stroking my hand, thigh and arm. It sets off a firey response in my body. Compltetely visceral. I had not even even noticed this guy, more than just met him as he was Lucreita's best friends boyfriend. I believe he had noticed me. I responded to his touch, but not because found I him cute or had a crush on him or we had been flirting. My body responded( seemingly) on it's own. I Later on his girlfriend said to me (in a strong Texas accent)You weren't messin' with Brad tonight were you I shook my head, guiltily and self consciously. Yeah Isat there with Brad laid there rather and can't remember exactly how I responded. Well how do you want your character to respond.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Damien Rice new to me

I can't believe I had never heard of this dude. Maybe I had but I wasn't aware of it. He and Ray Lamontagne colloaberated on an acoutic version of the Bee Gees. To Love Somebody.